Week five provided some real humdingers with late game heroics leading up to a week six that will shape the landscape of the SEC West significantly. I don’t want to get out to a big lead here and then blow it like Arkansas, so let’s move right along with our Shocks, Shanks and Chafes and Predictions.
Biggest Shock: Good old Rocky Top. Whew. I’ve been saying for weeks that I believe Tennessee’s on the right track and getting better, and although I’ve been saying it I’m not quite sure I truly believed it. I do now.
Despite the loss to Georgia 35-32 and some bad play in spots, the toughness of this team, its ability to pass the ball and spread it to a variety of receivers and the leadership of Butch Jones were impressive on Saturday. They’re heading in the right direction following road trips to Norman and Athens. Unfortunately for me, that direction is home and hosting a Gators team without an identity.
I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention Todd Gurley and his beastly 238 total yards of offense. His two rushing TDs tied him 3rd all-time with Garrison Hearst in Dawgs’ history. Hearst was the first-ever athlete to grace the cover of Madden – it was John’s magnificent mug doing such until then. You can credit Hearst with beginning the Madden curse as he broke his leg in the 2nd round of the playoffs that year and was never the same. Moral of the story: don’t ever do Madden, Gurley.
Biggest Shank: Arkansawful. I already took a jab earlier, now I’m coming with a complete upper-hook. You know, the one The Hogs couldn’t deliver on the field Saturday? This loss to A&M was maddening, stupefying and unacceptable. We all know what happened, so I’ll save everyone the illness of having to relive that gaffe of a game all over again.
I will share these nuggets of misfortune: This is the first time a Bret Bielema-coached team has ever lost when leading by at least 14 points entering the 4th quarter. Ever. He’s now 38-1 in such games. That one loss puts Arkansas atop the nations longest conference-losing streak at 14 games with Kentucky and California winning on Saturday. So huzzah to that!
Don’t worry, Hogzilla, you’ve got a long way to go to make real history. Sewanee, a charter member of the SEC, never won a single conference game losing all 37 played from 1933-1940. And while I’m giving the Razorback fans grief at this moment, I still think the team is far better than the record shows and being the only unranked team in the SEC West. I know it’s like coming in last place at a hog calling contest, but cheer up – you’re only 0-2 in the SEC West and the season is far from over. Wait. Someone is telling me it’s over. Yeah. It’s over.
Biggest Chafe: Family vacations are a necessity, even on fall Saturdays down South. For a college football junkie with a gambling problem, every trip to the bathroom takes 5-10 minutes longer depending on the cellular coverage in a bathroom stall. Someone need a drink from the bar? No problem, I’ll get it. You just better not be too thirsty. And wherever I eat, a TV with a game on or five is a must.
And here’s where the disenchantment begins. If I am dining or drinking at an establishment in which several televisions are mounted on the walls, and if the date on the calendar reads “SATURDAY” in a month considered fallish, I expect to see college football on all if not most of those tubes. Especially down South.
Around 10am, and playing it safe, I asked the bartender closest to our pool if he was planning to put the TVs on college football at noon. He wasn’t sure, and looked at me as if I’d asked him to put on the CrossFit Games. He was from Covington, LA, so I asked him if he was an LSU fan. He replied, “HUGE! Who do they play this week?” Liar.
Dinner was at a seafood restaurant I would categorize of the sports bar variety given the gigantic big screen hoisted prominently on the front wall of the dining room floor with eight other TVs scattered throughout. Despite these options they only had on two games, FSU-NC State and Minnesota-Michigan.
I kindly asked the waiter if we could get at least one game on the Arkansas-A&M debacle and he wasn’t sure because he didn’t know how to use the remote. I didn’t ask him to get in the cockpit of the Apollo 11 and shuttle me to the moon. It’s a remote. All TVs have them. If I can learn a new hotel remote within 15 seconds of my stay, this guy can surely learn how to use a DirecTV remote for the place he’s worked at for three months.
If you’re a manager at any bar or restaurant with an inkling of a sports atmosphere, make it part of the job that your staff understands sports to some degree, and for God’s sake teach them how to use your cable provider’s remote. If they cannot figure that out, do you really want them taking food orders or handling financial transactions?
It’s Saturday. It’s the fall. And it’s down South. I just want to watch a little daggum college football. In fairness, I’d probably be miffed if I couldn’t get the CBS 3:30 game on a pair of rabbit ears on the lone TV in DR Congo in the fall, too. I have a problem.
My Lousy Predictions: It was a discouraging 3-4 voyage this week. I hang my hat on that Arkansas upset call. While it didn’t come to fruition as a “W” for the team, I got the “W” ATS, so woo pig to me. I’m at 16-19 and fading quicker than The Hogs in the 4th quarter. Week six looks amazing on paper. But so do my scribbled thoughts until I go back and read them again. Let’s do this.
Game of the Week – The West (sans Arky)
#6 Texas A&M (PK) @ #12 Mississippi State: A&M comes off the emotions of the come from behind, MSU comes off a bye and the emotions of the first win at Tiger Stadium since 1991. Want a stat older than that? MSU hasn’t beaten A&M in the regular season since 1915 – a decade or so pre-cowbell. My Prediction: A&M 31, Bulldogs 30
#2 Alabama (-4.5) @ #11 Mississippi: Ole Miss All-American Safety Cody Prewitt doesn’t believe Bama’s as good as they used to be. I believe The Rebels are as good as they used to be. And that’s not very good, losers of 10 straight to The Tide and we’ll make it 11 on Saturday. My Prediction: ROWTIDEROW 28, Ole Miss 17
#15 LSU @ #5 Auburn (-9): The visitor has dropped 12 of the last 14 trips. That doesn’t bode too well for LSU, already down 0-1 in conference play. Les cannot afford a second loss, but I’m afraid he gets it here and my die-hard Tiger bartender fan from this weekend won’t even know it. My Prediction: Tigers 34, Tigers 27
Game of the Weak
Vanderbilt @ #13 Georgia (-32): Remember when Mark Richt was all but fired for losing at Vandy a year ago? I’m sure he does and will have the Dawgs fired up to take it out on Derek Mason. James Franklin will snicker from Happy Valley. My Prediction: UGA 48, ‘Dores 13
Elsewhere, these other games are happening…
Florida (-1) @ Tennessee: Will Muschamp has never lost to Tennessee in his tenure at Florida. His modus operandi at UF has been all about first times for everything lousy, so yeah, this sets up nicely. My Prediction: Vols 35, Gators 21
South Carolina (-7.5) @ Kentucky: What does Spurrier’s gang have in the tank after last week’s collapse and hitting a hungry young bunch of Cats? A loss here and the team comes entirely off the rails. I’m not ready for that. My Prediction: Cocks 24, Cats 17
Missouri and Arkansas have the week off. Don’t worry, Razorbacks. You can resume your pursuit of Sewanee next week versus Alabama.
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An idiot college football fan spewing his views on SDS. A graduate of The University of Florida, his greatest gridiron accomplishment was several missed tackles on Tommie Frazier in high school. Much like the entire Gators defense in the '96 Fiesta Bowl.
