Sometimes, not everything that needs to be said can be said over a network broadcast. So that’s why we are bringing you Saturday Down South’s Uncensored Commentary of the LSU vs. Auburn game:
Welcome to a sloppy Tiger Stadium that, for once, isn’t due to the condition of the fans. It’s wet and muddy on the field, which might remind Coach O of home but could also have a major impact on this game.
Can Auburn’s defense be the first team to finally slow down this LSU passing attack? Will SEC refs find a way to call targeting against a star LSU player so he misses the first half of the Bama game? Let’s find out.
1Q: 15:00
Auburn gets the ball first, and faster than you can say “offensive mastermind,” Gus Malzahn is already sending out the punt unit. That’s OK, it usually takes Bo Nix some time to warm up. And he’s been in the warming up process for 7 games now, so you have to think maybe he’s due.
LSU can’t do much better, though. They punt after just a few plays, which stuns LSU fans who didn’t realize they had a punter on their team.
8:39
Auburn decides its best strategy is to just try to bore to death this LSU defense and everyone watching in Baton Rouge. So in comes a 14-play, 42-yard drive that results in just 3 points. Don’t ask what happened, we were asleep.
Auburn jumps on top 3-0.
0:22
We’re about to go an entire quarter without LSU scoring a point. Who knows if it’s the Auburn defense, the rainy conditions or an all-gumbo diet Coach O put the team on, but the Tigers look sluggish and out of it. And the longer this game goes with Auburn thinking it can win, the greater the chance that Gus can pull a miracle out of his sweater vest pocket.
2Q: 12:25
Well, Auburn just learned the No. 1 lesson of the SEC in 2019: “Never doubt Joe Burrow.” The Auburn defense delivered a crushing blow to Burrow as he was running out of bounds, but it only seemed to make him a better quarterback. He leads the Tigers right down the field on just a few plays and throws a perfect TD pass to give LSU the lead.
LSU leads 7-3.
9:12
If only there were anything in life I loved as much as the Auburn defensive line loves trying to take out an opposing quarterback’s knee. Truly a tradition unlike any other.
Burrow seems to shake it off though and leads the Tigers down the field once again. This time it leads to a big 4th-and-1. It’s QB sneak time, which means it’s Auburn’s top-rated defensive line vs. Joe Burrow’s thick booty. Truly an unstoppable force and an immovable object. Burrow gets stuffed at the line and it’s Auburn ball.
5:33
Things are starting to get weird. And when things get weird and you’re playing Auburn, you’re in trouble. LSU muffs a punt that bounces right into an Auburn player’s hand, and then on the goal line, Bo Nix stretches out the ball to the end zone and gives Auburn the lead.
Auburn 10-7.
3:22
LSU’s offense has been struggling so much it almost looks like every offense LSU has had before this season. Not good. Not even Coach O feels good about things because even though Burrow leads the team down to the 1-yard line, on 4th down, LSU sends out the field goal unit.
Cade York hits it and we’re tied going into the half.
Tied 10-10.
3Q: 15:00
At halftime, Bo Nix has 65 yards passing and Burrow has 200. But somehow we’re tied. But to be fair, Bo Nix throwing for 65 is almost more improbable.
Meanwhile, Auburn opens up the 2nd half with a huge run right through the heart of the LSU defense by their freshman D.J. Williams. It probably should have been a touchdown but he steps out of bounds at the 5-yard line. Shouldn’t be a big deal though, right?
Welp, 3 plays of nothing later and Auburn is kicking a field goal.
Auburn is back in front, 13-10.
9:11
Joe Burrow is not about to go down without a fight though, or at least without proving he’s a better Heisman candidate than Jalen Hurts. He leads an easy drive down the field to set LSU up with 1st-and-goal, but once again the Auburn defensive line shows why it is probably the only reason their team is this good. They stuff LSU 4 straight plays and it’s a turnover on downs.
The bad news for Auburn is that means Bo Nix and this Auburn offense is starting on its own 1. It’s not pretty. Auburn should feel lucky to just punt.
4:56
Both offenses are failing in their own unique way. LSU continues to drive the length of the field only to find some tragic way to blow it near the end zone. Whereas Auburn just can’t complete a pass.
Finally LSU breaks out of the rut though and finds the end zone on a run by Clyde Edwards-Helaire. Maybe that will wake up this LSU offense and the sleepy Tiger Stadium crowd. The Auburn offense can do that to people sometimes. Cade York missed the PAT, just to prove LSU really is on even terms with Alabama.
LSU 16-10.
14:00
A slow day for Joe Burrow would still be a career day for most other QBs, and probably enough to build a statue of him at the average Big Ten school.
The LSU offense is picking up steam though and eventually score a touchdown on a perfectly called QB draw. Burrow puts the Tigers up 2 scores, which is tough under any circumstances, and if you’re Auburn in this 2nd half, it’s almost a death sentence.
LSU 23 -13.
6:46
Don’t count out Bo Nix yet though. You have to admit there’s not another quarterback in the SEC better at weirdly spiking the ball behind the line of scrimmage when there’s a little bit of pressure.
Auburn needs a scoring drive here to keep this game within reach. But Gus might have found his new, best strategy: Just tell Nix to throw the ball out of bounds and maybe it will result in a spectacular catch down the sideline. It works and the Auburn offense finally has some momentum going.
The momentum only lasts for 3 more plays until Auburn has to punt again, but it’s at least good to know that it’s possible.
2:45
After the Auburn defense forces a 3-and-out, Bo Nix puts together his best drive of the game thanks to a couple of nice passes and a parade of injuries in the LSU secondary. Eventually, he connects with Seth Williams in the end zone and, incredibly, this is just a 3-point game.
Auburn climbs within 23-20.
1:30
It’s all going to come down to the onside kick … Auburn has a chance at it, but LSU covers it up to seal the victory. Coach O and the Tigers pull out the victory, and even more impressively, don’t even lose anyone to targeting calls for the Alabama game in 2 weeks.
The final from Death Valley: LSU 23-20.
Houston lives in Atlanta and covers SEC football for Saturday Down South. You can follow him on twitter @hbarber17 or reach out at hbarber17@gmail.com
