Is there anything more “college” than a spring road trip?
Michigan coach Jim Harbaugh took his Wolverines football program to Florida for spring practice.
But two can play at that game.
Here are some non-traditional spring destinations that we’re taking our respective SEC squads to this season in the name of football, recruiting and other superfluous reasons.
LSU TO DEATH VALLEY, CALIF.
Despite the name and reputation for excruciating heat, Death Valley, Calif., averages a daily mean temperature of 68.4 degrees in March and 76.3 degrees in April. That’s essentially the same temps that Baton Rouge experiences during the same months, with far less humidity. LSU has played four Pac-12 teams in the past four years (Arizona, Oregon and Washington twice). Setting up shop in the West, in say Palm Springs, Calif., could help the Tigers infiltrate the lush West coast recruiting base.
SWAPPING COLUMBIA(S)
The biggest gripe about relocating somewhere for spring practice is that you’re intruding on someone else’s recruiting territory. But what if it’s mutual? We’re taking the SEC East’s eastern- and western-most programs and switching cities. That means the South Carolina Gamecocks get to travel to Columbia, Mo., while the Missouri Tigers call Columbia, S.C., home for a spell. When they’re done, they can talk trash about which Columbia has the better barbeque joints.
OLE MISS MEETS OXFORD, ENGLAND
The University of Georgia claims to be the birthplace of the American system of higher education as the nation’s first state-chartered public university (1785). That’s all well and good, but when it comes to ancient, storied universities, we’re taking a team to the University of Oxford in England, aka the oldest institution in the English-speaking world. We’re kicking the Oxford University Association Football Club out of the Iffley Road Football Grounds and sending in our own representatives from Oxford, the Ole Miss football team.
AUBURN TO GREAT PLAINS, KANSAS
It’s not the most-glamorous spring destination, but we’re sending the Auburn Tigers from the plains of Alabama to the Great Plains — specifically, Kansas. The Sunflower State, in particular the University of Kansas, doesn’t seem to be capitalizing on its local talent with zero winning seasons since former coach Mark Mangino left after the 2009 campaign. Gus Malzahn’s squad features just one player from Kansas, right tackle Braden Smith (Olathe).
Perhaps Auburn can use the trip to land the next great Kansan, such as Jordy Nelson or Otto Schnellbacher. Or even better, Barry Sanders or the Kansas Comet Gale Sayers.
STARK … ERR, LAS VEGAS, BABY
We’re rolling the dice and taking the Mississippi State football team out of StarkVegas and to the real deal. Yes, the Bulldogs had the third-most players in the SEC arrested (7) in 2015, but we’re trusting Dan Mullen’s squad to be on their best behavior in Sin City. Practicing in the Nevada desert also provides the SEC an in-road into a recruiting market whose chief competition is a mediocre Nevada-Las Vegas program.
GEORGIA TO ATHENS, GREECE
We’re going to need a bigger aircraft than Kirby Smart’s helicopter to get the entire Georgia football team to spring practice this year. We’re going global with the Bulldogs and eschewing Athens, Ga., for its Greek namesake.
We basically have our pick of abandoned world class venues in Athens, Greece — towering edifices cast aside alongside ancient history after the Olympics packed-up their medals and left the country after the 2004 games.
We could go to Detroit and just stick it to Harbaugh and his plans to hold spring practice in the South. But it’s difficult to determine which city’s infrastructure is in a worse state of disrepair.
Head to the @UniquelyDetroit Facebook page for a chance to win a seat from the Silverdome! http://t.co/daqLNCHgO2 pic.twitter.com/rZfwmeRQ9w
— Uniquely Detroit (@UniquelyDetroit) April 29, 2014
ROCKY TOP TO FAIRPLAY, COLORADO
When you visit Tennessee to play the Volunteers, it comes with the connotation that life is “higher” on Rocky Top. Casting aside the fact that Rocky Top and Knoxville are separated by roughly 4,500 feet in elevation, we’re sending Butch Jones’ squad to Fairplay, Colo., (9,950 feet) for spring practice to become adept at playing at a higher altitude.
And even though Fairplay is located in South Park, Colo. — home of 672 people and notorious for its animated, fictional hijinks — the secluded town is the ideal location to keep the embattled program out of trouble during the spring.
ARKANSAS TO WASHINGTON, D.C.
Speaking of elevation, Fayetteville is actually the farthest SEC school from sea level at 1,400 feet. Makes sense for a region known as “The Hill.” We’re sending the Razorbacks, however, from The Hill to Capitol Hill in Washington D.C.
The move is mostly for the play-on-words, but what could be better than the thought of the eccentric Bret Bielema filibustering in front of Congress? The District of Columbus-area is technically the stomping grounds of Georgetown and Maryland, but Bielema and the Hogs can get fat by feasting on the football-rich preps area (and not on pork-barrel spending).
WHO WANTS TO GO TO MICHIGAN?
So Jim Harbaugh wants to train in Florida? Two can play that game. We’re going to his backyard for spring practice. The only problem is determining where. We could go to Detroit. Or Flint. Or Battle Creek … or … or … forget it.
Let’s just stay in Florida and go to Epcot.
Chris Wuensch is a contributing writer for Saturday Down South. He covers South Carolina and Tennessee.
