Welcome to Lane Kiffin’s Reality Distortion Field, Episode 2026
By David Wasson
Published:
One of the more notable personality traits of Apple Computers co-founder Steve Jobs was his unique ability to create what became known as the “reality distortion field,” as he was able to convince others that the impossible was possible through a mix of charm, sheer will, hyperbole and persistence.
Another curator of reality distortion took center stage Thursday during the final day of the 4-day footballpalooza known as SEC Media Days in Tampa. Lane Kiffin, now the LSU Tigers boss but also the ringmaster of the Lane Kiffin Circus.
Always appointment viewing and listening, Kiffin spent a goodly amount of time Thursday trying to reconcile his spectacularly messy departure from Ole Miss while assembling the same kind of reality distortion field that would have made Jobs grin.
I wish I would have gone in when I met with (Ole Miss AD) Keith (Carter) and said, ‘I’ve made the decision to go,’ I wish I would have just said, ‘Hey, I’d like to coach the team,’ and he’d say, ‘No.’ And I’d say, ‘Hey, OK, I appreciate it.’ [I wish I’d] move on [and] never even discussed it again.
Everyone who actually believes that Kiffin believes a single word of that, take one step forward.
Now that we’re all standing exactly where we were, the above Exhibit A is exactly the kind of statement that makes Kiffin the most maddeningly contradictory element in the college football universe. Because on one hand, we want to believe Kiffin thinks he wishes all those things. But really, has the same person who has burned bridges on his way out of town for the past quarter-century suddenly grown a conscience?
Of course not, which is why the effigies will be Zippo’ed in record numbers when LSU visits Ole Miss on Sept. 19. And why Alabama fans will try to regale Kiffin with Joey Freshwater catcalls in Baton Rouge on Nov. 7. And why Tennessee fans will cause region-wide shortages of mustard and golf balls when the Tigers head to Neyland Stadium on Nov. 21.
Oh sure, there will be football played on those 3 weekends. But c’mon, we all will be tuning in both to see just how Kiffin is treated by the Rebels, Crimson Tide and Volunteers fanbases and how he loves on them right back.
Listen, Kiffin is far from the only big-time coach who uses his words to better the cause – whether said cause is his own personal brand, his team’s recruiting efforts, or anything in between. Show me a coach that doesn’t have a healthy ego and I’ll show you a coach who is just really good at hiding it.
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But Kiffin has made almost a parallel career out of yapping his way into the hearts and minds and central nervous systems of rival fanbases. The Van Gogh of volume, if you will, Kiffin also tried to pass off the doozy that he both isn’t paying attention to social media these days and also doesn’t read his own press clippings.
Mhm.
Note how not a single word so far here has been written about Kiffin’s actual coaching bona fides. There is purpose behind that, as the actual on-field Kiffin might be one of the digits in the handful of brightest offensive minds of the current era.
There is also little question that Kiffin understands the mindset of today’s athlete better than any other coach of his ilk. Sure, hauling around a basketball goal from stadium to stadium so that players can dunk on it every football Saturday may sound strange to fuddy-duddys, but gimmicks like that clearly are a part of the Kiffin moveset which results in 5-stars lining up to sign on the line that is dotted.
Nevertheless, one can’t help but to wonder if Kiffin isn’t running out of big-top tents under which to distort his reality. LSU is stop No. 3 in the Southeastern Conference alone, more than any other coach in league history. Tack on his stint as Nick Saban’s oft-ass-chewed Alabama offensive coordinator for 3 seasons that included 2015 national title, and Kiffin has drawn paychecks from a full quarter of the SEC.
If SECMD words somehow equaled touchdowns, Kiffin’s Tigers are already off to a dizzying scoring spree: their erstwhile head coach delivering a 2,801-word opening soliloquy in the main ballroom that left time for only 4 questions. Probably best, as every time Kiffin has been queried about the whys of fleeing Oxford he manages to not only dig his hole deeper with Ole Miss Nation but also pile the dirt over top of himself.
Some might have found Kiffin’s Tampa appearance Thursday to be tepid or boring, which is ok – not everyone has the same acute nasal passages and finely tuned ear for horse hockey as others. But for the rest of us, not to mention the late Apple co-founder, The Lane Kiffin Experience has hit its own personal midseason incredulity form in record time.
Isn’t talking season great?
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An APSE national award-winning writer and editor, David Wasson has almost four decades of experience in the print journalism business in Florida and Alabama. His work has also appeared in The New York Times, The Washington Post, the Los Angeles Times and several national magazines and websites. His Twitter handle: @JustDWasson.
