This will be the first full season since 2005 that the SEC sidelines will be sans Les Miles. While LSU fans are somewhat thankful for his departure, the rest of us will miss Miles and his legendary antics and public speaking prowess.

And, when I say “prowess,” I mean that a lot of his pressers sounded about as eloquent and confident as a Sean Spicier White House briefing or the scene from Billy Madison when that (bleep!) Eric explaining “Business Ethics.” 

Good news for us is that Miles potentially will be entertaining us in a whole new role this fall, as he is could be on camera for multiple networks during the college football season. His FOX Sports tryout might not have gone too well, but we’re not trying to put the Mad Hatter in a box. Just the opposite. We want to unleash him.

Naturally, that got me thinking about some potential TV gigs I think Miles would be perfect for …

LES Talks

Think TED Talks, but with Miles running the show. TED Talks is basically a series of videos from experts meant to be educational, influential, insightful, etc., on the topics of technology, business, and science to name a few.

What greater way to combine education and entertainment than by watching Les Miles explain things to the masses?

I for one would love for him to explain adult things to me like: square footage, how rain works, parallel parking, and how to properly build my 401k and diversify my stock portfolio.

White House Press Briefings

Spicy is gone as White House Press Secretary. Who better to fill us in on the day-to-day business of POTUS than Miles? It’s not like you have to be the most eloquent or articulate of speakers in the first place. I for one would tune in every day to see him explain things like global warming, bi-partisanship, and whatever the hell “covfefe” is.

Fixer Upper

Let’s face it, this will also be the most appropriate title at his next coaching stop. However, in the meantime who wouldn’t love to watch some HGTV with Les? Imagine how entertaining it would be to get him and Coach O together to flip a house. Just give them a case of Abita Amber and let them go to work.

Orgeron would be redesigning the layouts by running headfirst through the downstairs drywall and turning that old garage into a multipurpose work space. Also, we could include a segment where Miles watches paint dry in the new walk-in closet, which would be a perfect metaphor for having to watch his offenses when he was in Baton Rouge.

Or, he could bring in the best painters in the country and decide to just put up wallpaper at the last second which is another perfect metaphor for how he used all those 5-star skill players for years in Death Valley.

30 for 30: Clear Eyes, Fullbacks, Can’t lose

“What if I told you that the key to a championship team and an offensive juggernaut was a fullback? This is the story of how white, walk-on, non-skill players revolutionized 3 yards and a cloud of dust (not in the Big Ten)…”

This would just be a must-see hour and a half special on ESPN of Les Miles explaining why the I-formation will make a comeback in the modern Hurry-Up, No Huddle era of college football with footage of him saying things like, “Once you go fullback, you never go back.”

And breaking down, way more than necessary, a sequence of his favorite 3rd-and-1 playcalls from the second quarter of a non-con game. Which of course would be followed by a wink and finger gun point at the camera.

Game of Thrones

Season 8 of this must see show will just be Miles coming out of nowhere and overseeing someone else’s soldiers to take over the Iron Throne like he did with Saban’s players when he won his only national title in 2007. I’d pitch this just so I could see how awkward he’d be delivering the line “Winter is Coming” while wearing a visor and dri-fit polo for every single commercial and trailer.

Street Magic ft. Les Miles & David Blaine

This would just be an hour special on network television where these two mystify audiences with magic, trick plays, and clock management decisions that literally no one can explain. Harrison Ford and LSU fans will be equally party awed and angered with this special and would wind up demanding that both “get out of their (bleep!)-ing house.”

Les Miles QB Camp

Think Gruden’s pre-NFL Draft QB Camp that runs on ESPN every spring. However, this is just Les Miles in a recliner with nothing but a remote, game tape and bad advice. And, there would be no future first-rounders invited to these sessions.

Just a one-on-one between Miles and future third-string NFL QB’s, where they practice check downs and handoffs before the draft and their future jobs in middle management for Enterprise Rent-A-Car.

Mystery Science Theater

 I’m taking it back a little old school here. But, this would legit be an ideal fit for someone with Miles’ “charisma” and “charm.” Just Les, and two or three other people watching popular movies and giving their constant thoughts and opinions on the film. Think basically a live-tweeting of real conscious thoughts from Miles, but on television.

Don’t think this would be captivating? Can you imagine how great it would be to hear Les Miles explain Inception? Chocolat?  Or any of those Fast & Furious movies?! I rest my case.

Or … Mystery Science Theater, but with a cast of Les, a drunk LSU fan, and any of the former blue-chip recruits he never used in his offense. And, there’s no drama. It’s just them strictly watching game tape of him being underwhelming as a coach.

Just Les, Odell Beckam Jr., and a drunk dude named Beau Boudreaux roughly a fifth of Jack deep asking why Miles ran off tackle on 3rd-and-5 or started Jordan Jefferson in the 2011 BCS Championship Game. It would be more uncomfortable than any episode of Cheaters ever aired. And, honestly, that’s really what I’m going for here.

Family Feud

Any gameshow with a shot clock would be must-see TV with Miles. Anytime he speaks publicly I feel like you can literally see the wheels in his head/brain turning on how to formulate a sentence. Measured. Methodical. Intelligent. Miles literally approaches public speaking totally opposite of how he approached coaching football.

Can you imagine how insanely entertaining and frustrating it would be to watch him be forced to audibly give context clues or answers during Family Feud.

“Something everyone loves to eat at a cookout.”

“……

……

Fescue!”

“Survey says … I’m sold.”