The assignment was simple enough. Make a list of any change I could possibly want for every Southeastern Conference team I could wish. That is some awesome power. So awesome, I found it impossible to just stop there. I added a wish for each school’s culture.

As a wise man once said, power is the most powerful addiction. It’s good to be king.

So, away we go:

ALABAMA

On the field: Please be more consistent in your kicking game. On the year, Adam Griffith has missed six field goals and that could come back to haunt you, Tide. Plus, he has missed one from under 29, two from under 39 and he is only 1-of-4 from over 4o.

In the culture: Alabama fans, please embrace this concept: if you trash-talk a team that has already beaten you, it just makes the Tide look worse.

ARKANSAS

OTF: Expand your recruiting base. Even if you get the best players in Arkansas, you’re going to be behind the SEC curve. Get into bordering Louisiana, Texas and Memphis. Better players equals better teams. This advice came from a friend in El Dorado. I have been there and I trust her.

ITC: Whenever possible, yell “Wooo Pig Soooweee!” in front of Yankees. It will stun them and the thought of their faces will always bring a smile to Razorback fans.

AUBURN

OTF: Be calm, Sean White and Peyton Barber are only going to get better. The quarterback and running back will be a solid one-two punch for the Tigers soon.

ITC: Hire some armed guards to protect the trees at Toomer’s Corner. Auburn has some big wins in its future and there are a lot of Harvey Updykes out there.

FLORIDA

OTF: With all the football talent – including the European kind – in the state, why not recruit a kicker? That way you won’t have to have auditions for the position from the student body. You do realize, “The Waterboy,” was fiction, right?

ITC: Please athletic director Jeremy Foley, hire Tim Tebow as an athletic fundraiser. Imagine if a civilian fundraiser asked a booster for 10 grand? He might get five. If Tebow had lunch with the booster, took a picture with his kids, Florida might get $50,000.

GEORGIA

OTF: Embrace the “Next-man-up” concept. Last year, Todd Gurley went down and Nick Chubb stepped up. This year, Chubb was injured and Sony Michele has emerged. Perhaps Mark Richt has stocked the cupboard to be prepared for the situation.

ITC: If UGA is not on the sidelines or the hedges are taken down, the earth will fall off its axis. Remember that, Athens.

KENTUCKY

OTF: Find more players like linebacker Josh Forrest. All this guy has done this year is lead the team with 64 tackles. The next Kentucky defender has just 46.  Forrest also has 3.5 tackles for loss and four sacks. Get more of these guys.

ITC: Wildcat fans, please remember, football in the Commonwealth is not just what you do between going to Panama City Beach and basketball at Rupp Arena.

LSU

OTF: You are trying to balance the offense to give Leonard Fournette some rest. That is cool, but give your two top receivers some time off as well. Travin Dural and Malachi Dupree have a combined 45 catches for 823 yards. Can someone else get open?

ITC: Whenever possible, never play a game away from Tiger Stadium on a Baton Rouge Saturday Night. Everyone deserves to eat there at least once before they die.

MISSISSIPPI STATE:

OTF: Get Dak Prescott just a little help before he starts facing 40-man fronts. Last week against Kentucky, Prescott was the Bulldogs’ leading rusher and passer. He also ran for three touchdowns and threw for three more. If Fred Ross or anyone else could step up a tad, it might save Dak some wear-and-tear.

ITC: It is the most annoying noise in the world, but keep the cowbells. A friend mine played at State and said he loved them because it bothered the other team so much. If that is the case, ring that thing.

MISSOURI

OTF: Stop playing soccer games. Sure, you have a great kicker, but you had other scholarships to award, right? Mizzou has lost two games in which it has surrendered 10 or fewer points. There is an end zone for a reason.

IFC: It is time to stop acting like the redheaded stepchild of the conference. You’ve been to the title game two years in a row. Ready for this Mizzou? You belong here.

OLE MISS

OTF: After missing tackles against Memphis, the coaching staff took the Landsharks through fundamentals last week in practice and it showed against Texas A&M. Do the same thing in regards to short yardage offense and maybe that will fix that problem.

IFC: Never franchise The Grove. Tailgating is a tradition at a lot of schools. At Ole Miss, it is more important than that. As another friend described it, “Rain or shine, put on your bow tie and your loafers, pearls and pumps and get to The Grove. It is the best atmosphere there is next to Derby Day at Churchill Downs.” Exactly.

SOUTH CAROLINA

OTF: Looking for a new coach, go in a new direction. Carolina does not need another Spurrier or Lou Holtz. This time, go get a dynamic younger coach that can convince recruits to come to Columbia.

IFC: The person who is the caretaker of Williams-Brice Stadium needs to be given a raise. It is the best-kept secret in the SEC. It is not only the cleanest place in the conference, it is also electric when the place is full.

TENNESSEE

OTF: How easy is this? FINISH THE GAME! If there were wins against Oklahoma, Florida and Alabama on the resume, where would the Vols be now?

IFC: Yeah, if the Volunteer Navy is ever beached, just drain the Tennessee River.

TEXAS A&M

OTF: Stop the stupid penalites. Really, 14 last week? And one of those was a targeting foul when the game was not in doubt. The Aggies just have to be smarter and more discipline.

IFC: You’re not in the Big 12 anymore, stop worrying about the Longhorns. Use the SEC to get those Texas kids to not want to go to Austin. Hey kid, would you rather play against Iowa State on the Longhorn Network or would you rather play against LSU and Alabama on national television?

VANDERBILT

OTF: Get off to a better start. In the first quarter of games this year, the Commodores are being outscored 23-9. Vandy has outscored the opposition in each of the following three quarters. If the ‘Dores can do it for three quarters, why not four?

IFC: Please recognize Brad Gaines. For the uninformed, Gaines was a fullback at Vandy on Oct. 28, 1989. That day in Oxford, Miss., Gaines caught a swing pass and was hit by Ole Miss’ Chucky Mullins. Mullins shattered his neck and was paralyzed. Gaines befriended Mullins during recovery and the two became great friends. About 18 months after the accident, Mullins died. On the anniversary of the hit and on Christmas, Gaines drives from Nashville to Russellville, Ala., to tend to Mullins’ grave. This is a man Vanderbilt should be proud of and honor.