Only two things are guaranteed in football: coaching hot seats and pleas for the backup quarterback. With over half the season in the rear-view mirror, several SEC QBs have distanced themselves from the pack as the cream of the crop while others have fans scratching their heads as to why they’re still starting.

Because not everyone can be as joyous as Alabama and Florida fans, here’s a tongue-in-cheek look at how every SEC fan base should feel about its QB heading a very disrupted Week 8:

Alabama

QBU. Tua torched the Cardinals, Taulia thumped Penn State, there’s a 5-star in the hopper and Mac Jones is going to be a Heisman finalist, if not the winner. After years of wading through future NFL practice-squad members, Nick Saban with an elite quarterback may be the only thing that makes him happier than when he heard about the new Little Debbie Oatmeal Cream Pie cereal.

The only bad news? Mac Jones won’t get a chance to add to his numbers in a revenge game against LSU.

Arkansas

One man’s trash is a Hogs’ treasure. HGTV might reach out to Sam Pittman because he is seriously good at flipping scraps and turning them into gems. For as good as the Razorbacks’ defense has been this year, Feleipe Franks has been legitimately solid. A homecoming win for the former Gator would only be the cherry on top of this surprise season for Arkansas.

Auburn

Watching Bo Nix is like building up all that excitement to unwrap the final gift under the Christmas tree, only to find out it’s a pair of fancy socks. They’re useful, get the job done, heck someone may even compliment them once a year, but they’re nothing you wouldn’t quickly trade with someone else when given the chance. Nix has played better in recent weeks, but at the end of the day, it’s the toys around him that make the offense that much more exciting.

Florida

Kyle Trask is doing things Tim Tebow did not. We’ll see if he can match a few of the things Tebow did (Heisman, national title, etc.). Dan Mullen better count his blessings because another 2nd-place finish in the East was likely going to be his final sin at Florida.

Georgia

Is the third time a charm? Carson Beck is getting practice reps this week with Stetson Bennett still a little beaten up physically and mentally. Then again, I’ve lost count how many QBs have or have not seen the field for the Bulldogs. The season’s over, so what’s the worst that could happen?

Kentucky

Is it too late to ask Hugh Freeze to trade for the other Auburn transfer? Surely the Liberty HC would never consider a behind-the-scenes, black-market type deal. At least for this week, the Wildcats just need a human capable of handing the ball to Chris Rodriguez.

LSU

Distance only makes the heart grow fonder. After calling for Myles Brennan to be permanently sidelined in favor of TJ Finley, Tigers fans now weep at the news that Brennan may be shut down for the season. But, hey, at least they won’t have to face Alabama on Saturday! And as long as the LSU social media team continues to tweet out more clips of Joe Burrow on the Bengals than any player currently on the LSU roster, there will always be sweet, sweet nostalgia to soften the blow of this season.

Mississippi State

The Air Raid would have been way more fun if the Bulldogs actually had a QB. Then again, maybe that Vanderbilt secondary would give even Mac Jones and Kyle Trask fits. Mike Leach may think of his team as the pig in breakfast, but he’s failed to bring home any bacon for MSU fans.

Mizzou

Connor Bazelak isn’t exactly going to set the world on fire, but given that he wasn’t the starter for the first 2 weeks, Tigers fans should be satisfied. It’s always good for the ego to pass on Bo Pelini’s defense, but alas, not every DC in the SEC is as incompetent at their job.

Ole Miss

Live and die by both Matt Corral and Lane Kiffin. Kiffin would likely find a way to make any QB look half-decent in his offense, but Corral is actually one of the better passers in the league. If only Ole Miss had some remnants of a defense to keep Corral’s arm from falling off from overuse.

South Carolina

That whole sweet package deal with Mike Bobo and Colin Hill is going about as well as the Texas A&M scoreline would indicate. At least fans who invested in a Hill jersey can just tack on a few extra letters to the name plate when Muschamp makes the switch this week against Ole Miss. In fact, some of the letters can probably be taken off Muschamp’s door considering his office will likely be getting a little renovation.

Tennessee

This feels a bit like the blind leading the blind. Since Pruitt will inevitably be back for 2021 regardless of how the rest of this season pans out, it only make sense to turn to the future and start Harrison Bailey. But then again, this is Jeremy Pruitt, so him making the right decision is about as likely as the Vols nailing their next head coach search. But at least now has another week to figure it out.

Texas A&M

Like a fine wine, Kellen Mond only gets better with time. And like a fine wine, the price tag on the coach who took more than 2 years to figure out how to use Mond was expensive. But finally the investment bore its fruit and possibly, by some slim margin, there’s room for something more bubbly on the night the College Football Playoff is announced.

Vanderbilt

Why kick a man when he’s down? Ken Seals put up over 300 yards of offense this past week and should be applauded for that, don’t mind you the defense. There are far too many holes on this team to spend time picking nits with Seals.