We’re headed into Week 4 of Winning & Boozing in the SEC — my weekly article where I preview the weekends games, predict each score, and tell you what booze you’ll need at each tailgate this Saturday.

Quick recap of Week 3’s picks: I’ve hit rock bottom and am questioning my faith in everything.

I went 0-7-1 ATS, which brings me to a pathetic 7-16-1 ATS and 27-9 SU for the year.

I don’t know what the issue is, but I haven’t been this wrong about with predicting something since the O.J. trial or that Bruce Jenner gender reveal a few summers ago.

I guess the lesson to be learned here is that hard work is stupid.

I put in many hours of research and where did that get me? Nothing but a hangover, an empty wallet, and a week-long attempt to avoid my bookie. So from now on I’m going to do the responsible thing and just have a few glasses of liquid confidence and pick every game without any research, and/or logic and reason.

It’s 5 o’clock, y’all. Time to follow me blindly into Week 4, and let’s get some money back …

Tennessee (-27) vs. UMass

Despite losing to Florida, you have to give props to Tennessee, and HC Butch Jones, for refusing to give up their efforts in losing that game. I mean they were so charitable in giving away that win they should probably get a tax write-off.

I thought I was inept with decision making.

Then, Butch Jones said, “Hold my beer” as he threw the ball three consecutive times from the 1-yard line. It’s honestly almost like he doesn’t want to be successful and happy (which explains his haircut).

Credit: Kim Klement-USA TODAY Sports

Regardless of the choke job in The Swamp, UT should handle UMass. The Minutemen are 0-4 and 1-3 ATS. The Vols will win big and afterward Jones will defend his job by reminding everyone that at least he isn’t Derek Dooley.

Score: Tennessee 44, UMass 13

Booze: Sam Adams Summer Seasonal. Why? Sam Adams is brewed in Beantown near the UMass campus. But the seasonal flavor is what’s most important. It’s a great beer. It’s light, crisp, and it tastes like all the best parts of summer. You know like: sun, sand and … not having to live up to expectations yet because the season hasn’t started, and it’s still OK to pretend that you’re a champion of life with a 5-star heart even though you’re really the only kid swimming with a T-shirt from May-August.

Lie to us all you want Butch, but don’t lie to yourself!

South Carolina (-8.5) vs. La Tech

Fun fact: My mother is a pastor in beautiful Columbia, S.C., and my obnoxiously gifted sister is a sophomore at SC majoring in some Science subject that I can’t even spell. I only bring that up to defend my logic and reasoning for ever trusting this team or Will Muschamp as a head coach like I did last week.

After losing to Kentucky on Saturday, Carolina (I’m assuming) became the first football team in the history of Earth to lose 4 straight to UK. Think about that. There are seniors in Cola right now who will graduate without beating Kentucky in football. It’s the end of times, y’all! (What? Vanderbilt and Tennessee also lost four straight to Kentucky at various points? Damn facts! The point still stands to everybody outside the Volunteer State!)

Not beating Kentucky before graduating college is almost as impossible as staying sober through 4 years of undergrad. Were you even trying?!

I want to assume that Carolina will rebound and beat La. Tech in a gimme game. However, Carolina honestly isn’t that good. They’re barely averaging 300 ypg, and they just lost their best player Deebo Samuel. My gut says Carolina should cover at home, which means I’m gonna be smart and pick La. Tech.

Score: S. Carolina 31, La. Tech 27

Booze: 40-oz of Old English. Why? It’s simple. Pop that top and take one swig for you and one for your homies. There’s no better way to honor Deebo (Samuel) than by you and Craig pouring out some malt liquor for him Friday night. But as far as your fans insisting that the Gamecocks are a good football team? You ain’t got to lie, Craig. You ain’t got to lie. (God, I hope y’all have seen the movie “Friday” and get this reference.)

LSU (-23.5) vs. Syracuse

Am I the only one who has tiptoed around LSU fans/friends all week like some timid housewife after that loss in Starkville? I honestly contemplated putting on pearls and making a casserole for all of my Bayou Bengal friends to be as accommodating and supportive as possible while they go through the 5 stages of grief.

LSU hasn’t changed or improved at all from last year like we thought. They’re like that 12-year-old who gets sent to weight-loss camp and looks exactly the same during Parents Weekend because he’d been hoarding Oreos under his mattress and skipping out on the 9 a.m. Power Walking class.

Basically, LSU is Gerald Garner in the movie Heavyweights. “LSU. Age 11. 141 pounds …. step off the scale Gerald.”

Score: LSU 38, Syracuse 14

Booze: Vodka & Orange Pedialyte. With a smelling salt chaser. Why? After that beatdown in Starkville last week, LSU has to feel more hungover and defeated than someone on a 3-day post-breakup bender trying their best to bury the sadness and pretend everything is OK. It’s not OK, guys.

Your head is throbbing, you look lonely and pathetic, and your identity/appearance is continuously being questioned until you finally get your life together and take a shower or play another game. So, grab a bottle of Pedialyte, put on some gangster rap, and handle it! It’s a long season, and I’m sure Coach O has a solid plan in place once he downs his 8th Red Bull of the morning.

Auburn (-18.5) at Missouri

Is it me or does this game feel like a matchup between two 6th-graders picked last for kickball? If this were a Bowl Game it would be sponsored by a “Get Well Soon” card. Auburn couldn’t put away an FCS team, and Missouri lost 35-3 to the 4th-best team in Indiana. And, I literally didn’t know that there were more than three teams in Indiana.

Auburn’s season so far has been like watching a train-wreck in slow motion. After its loss to Clemson, where their Preseason-Messiah-Heisman-Trophy-Candidate Jarrett Stidham was sacked 11 times, the War Eagle-Tigers from West Columbus, Ga., narrowly escaped a one possession battle against mighty Mercer from Macon, Ga., who many have considered one of the Top 5 teams in ALL of Middle Georgia.

Listen up Auburn fans, I’m sorry for the unnecessary amount of sarcasm and backhanded compliments I’ve made about the Tigers. But it is absolutely hilarious for every other SEC fan to watch Auburn fall short of its preseason hype. It’s nothing personal. Your fans just have more unrealistic expectations than Mantei Te’o has for blind dates.

Score: Auburn 44, Missouri 20

Booze: Miller High Life. Why? That is exactly what I was drinking on my friend’s couch in early December 2013 during the SEC Championship, the last time these two teams met. It was a dark time, and I don’t want to talk about it.

Texas A&M (-2.5) vs. Arkansas

The SEC’s first Head Coach Hunger Games of 2017 will take place Saturday when these two perennial underachievers battle for divisional bragging rights and job security. Honestly, this should be a really fun game between two evenly matched teams in desperate need of a win and playing to their potential. A&M is favored and has beaten the Razorbacks five years in a row, past four against Bret Bielema. However, Arkansas has covered the spread in 3 of those 4 games and is coming off a bye week.

I don’t know much about either team, but I do know that A&M’s resume is about as unimpressive and laughable as a C student applying to an Ivy League school. Through 3 games they have: blown a 34-point lead, entered the fourth quarter tied with Nicholls, and trailed 21-14 at halftime last week to a team that was giving up 57 points per game.

Score: Arkansas 31, Texas A&M 28

Booze: Chugging Contest. Specifically following a dizzy bat contest, potato sack race, egg on a spoon relay, and/or an obstacle course. Why? Both teams have looked more unstable and lost than someone trying to walk a straight line after doing donuts around a wiffle ball bat at the company picnic. Also, each fanbase seems about as angry and unpleased with their team as a disgruntled employee who is forced to attend the company picnic against their will. I know it’s hot out, Karen, but team building and synergy are important.

Florida (-3) at Kentucky

This is my least favorite conference game every single year. Not because it won’t be entertaining or close, but because every year Kentucky gets its hopes up that it will finally break the three-decade long losing streak to Florida. And every year they leave sad and disappointed.

They’re like the kid who tries out for the basketball team every year only to be cut and offered a spot as the “Team Manager.” You gotta love the effort and enthusiasm, but did you really think you had chance, Tevin? Come on, you showed up wearing rec specs and those old school Reebok high tops with the pump on the front.

Credit: Kim Klement-USA TODAY Sports

Listen Kentucky fans, take some advice from me: Stop setting your expectations so high. The lower your expectations are, the less chance you have to be disappointed. Trust me. I’ve been accepting mediocrity for years, and it really has changed my life.

And before you Florida fans laugh at UK, maybe it’s time we had a reality check with y’all as well. You’re not a good football team. Last week Tennessee handed you that game like it was a pocket full of loose change they were throwing into a Salvation Army bucket at Christmas time. Florida is bad, and its offense is about as exciting to watch as a WNBA dunk contest.

Bottom line: Florida is 5-0 ATS in its past 5 games against Kentucky. The Wildcats are really improved, but beating Florida is a lot like cargo shorts being cool or me finally reaching my potential: it hasn’t happened in the 31 years I’ve been alive, so I wouldn’t hold your breath.

Score: Florida 20, Kentucky 16

Booze: Cookies and Milk. Why? Kentucky’s annual belief that it finally will beat Florida is about as adorably delusional as a kid believing that Santa is real. Time to grow up. I don’t mean to make you upset, but you’re old enough to know how this ends.

Santa? Really? One man, in a droptop sleigh being Ubered around the world by a stable of reindeer? And don’t get me started on the chimney thing! Because it’s not the part about fitting down the chimney that bothers me. It’s the fact that literally no one ever questions how is suit stays so clean while spelunking in soot all across the world. I call BS. The jig is up, Santa!

Alabama (-18.5) at Vandy

Do you realize that it’s 2017, and we live in a world where cars can drive themselves and Vanderbilt has the No. 1-ranked defense in all of college football. What a time to be alive!

Good for you Vandy! A 3-0 start, the top defense in the country, and your fresh off your first win vs. a non-conference ranked opponent in 71 years! You go, girl!

We’re all happy for you. Not because we are pulling for you, but because we feel bad for you. Vandy is like the ugly sister in your family who is smarter than everyone, but is forever alone because she is a cat lady and has adult braces. We’re all hoping she’ll find Mr. Right, but we’re not betting on it.

This 2017 Vandy is like if that sister lost the braces and 30 pounds. It’s fun to see a spring in her/their step and a little newfound confidence. That being said … you gotta stay in your lane.

I’m not saying to not be confident in yourself. What I am saying is, don’t let your new year new you makeover go to your head. I’m talking to you, Nifae Leolao, who decided it was a good idea to talk trash on national TV after the K-State win by saying, “Alabama, you’re next.”

Everyone says they want Bama, but nobody (besides Clemson) really does. Cinderella stories are fun, and everyone loves an underdog. But Bama is 43-3 against Vandy since 1960 and hasn’t lost to an unranked opponent in 68 consecutive games. They’re going to bully Vanderbilt around Saturday like some middle school ogre giving out wedgies, stealing lunch money, and yelling out, “O’Doyle rules” to every nerd in sight.

Score: Alabama 30, Vandy 10

Booze: 30-pack of Budweiser. Specifically cans with America written on the label. Why? Just like Budweiser is the King of Beers, Alabama is the King of the SEC. I get the appeal of the David versus Goliath narrative the media has tried to build.

However, when Saturday rolls around, an angry Alabama team is gonna arrive in Smashville with bulletin board material and a point to prove.

The 30-pack is perfect because you’ll have one beer for every point Bama scores, and make sure you get cans so Bama fans can reach full obnoxiousness and crush them against their forehead when they’re finished. If that ain’t American, I don’t know what is.

UGA (-6.5) vs. Mississippi St

This is by far the best SEC game this weekend. Mississippi State is fresh off a 37-7 beatdown of LSU, and UGA looks to have turned the corner in Year 2 under Kirby Smart. I was a little shocked when I saw the line for this game. Not only is UGA favored, but by almost a touchdown.

Granted a night game between the hedges will be a very hostile environment. But what am I missing?! This feels like a trap.

Sure UGA is more talented top to bottom, but it’s starting a true freshman at QB against a Miss. State team that is a statistical juggernaut. They’re averaging over 500 yards and nearly 300 of it rushing.

Credit: Matt Bush-USA TODAY Sports

Not only that, but the defense has been incredible giving up only 206 yards per game and just over 9 points per game. It just shut down Derrius Guice and Co.

So, why would a true freshman named Jake from State Fromm be too much to handle for this D?

Miss. State seems like the obvious and trendy pick here, and I want to hop on that bandwagon harder than a hipster millennial that’s vaping at a Chainsmokers concert. That’s why I’m gonna follow my own advice and pick Kirby, Jake from State Fromm, and the silver britches battalion from Athens.

Score: UGA 30, Miss. State 28

Booze: Egg Nog. I’ve probably overused the Christmas theme in this article considering it’s still September. However, Egg Nog seems perfect because Christmas has metaphorically come early for both teams this season.

Not only are they both undefeated, they’ve also already notched program defining wins, and it’s only Week 4. UGA’s 1-point victory in South Bend was one of the biggest wins that program has had in two decades. And, Hail State’s victory over LSU last week was huge. How huge? The 30-point margin was its biggest in series history.

However, the real reason I chose egg nog has nothing to do with all that crap. It’s because Dan Mullen looks identical to cousin Eddie from Christmas Vacation, and that will never not be funny to me. Cheers!