The Johnny Football Index and 2014 Draft Week 3

A weekly discussion on SEC stars and how they rank on the Johnny Football Index.

THE JOHNNY FOOTBALL INDEX

The Johnny Football Index is our weekly tribute to Johnny Manziel’s ability on and off the field. Each week, we rank players according to three factors: on-field ability, celebrity and off-the-field headlines. Johnny Manziel scored a 10 in all three categories giving him the only perfect score of 30 in the modern era. Each week, we also draft players to build the ultimate rosters in an attempt to pile up the most JFI numbers. More explanation of the process can be found here: Johnny Football Index: Week 1.

THE DRAFT

Each week, Kevin and Mack will draft a player (or coach) to fill out a roster. Upon drafting a player, the selector will also propose a JFI score for that player. As the season progresses, we will update the scores based on on-field performance and off-field news making ability. At the end of the year, we’ll tally it up and announce a winning roster.

JFI ADJUSTMENTS

Kevin: Heading into last weekend, I was feeling extraordinary about my Maty Mauk selection. I was riding, as they say, the proverbial Maty Mauk scooter, fleeing the cops, hanging on to his reddish locks as we sped into JFI glory. And then big bad Indiana rolled into Columbia, Missouri. Unfortunately, I have no choice but to ding Mauk’s ability ranking for this disastrous loss. I mean it’s Indiana! As a result, Mauk’s ability score goes from a 6 to a 5.

Mack: I appreciate your candor and your respect for the JFI. A loss to a Big 10 school cannot be tolerated. Especially an awful Big 10 team. Indiana. I mean, Indiana. Let’s move on to this week’s pick.

Week 3 Picks

Kevin: With the first pick round 3, I select Dillon Day of the SEC West juggernaut, the Mississippi State Bulldogs! I’m kidding, but wow, Day sure made a name for himself in a bad way this weekend. His double stomp in the LSU game followed up by his greatest Roger Goodell impression with his cautiously written apology that nobody believes. But regardless, let’s go to my real pick. I’m going with a coach this week. Your favorite coach. My favorite coach. Bret Bielema.

Mack: A coach?

Kevin: Yessir. Bielema has impressed me for much of 2014. It started with his trash talking a couple years ago with Gus Malzahn which continued through the opener against Auburn to start 2014. It was noted that Bielema texted Gus Malzahn a congratulatory note after Auburn won at Kansas State. We’ve seen his text messages so I don’t think this was a genuine text. In fact, I think he’s totally trolling Malzahn. Regardless, I like his style.

Mack: His style? Who has ever said ‘style’ and ‘Bielema’ in the same sentence ever?

Kevin: Well, you’re right, not his style, but his attitude. First, he deserves points for one of the best entry points ever in taking the job at Arkansas. He left Wisconsin after three consecutive years of winning the Big Ten. In the 2012 Big Ten Championship Game, they scored 70 points! And then he was out. Not only did he do an amazing exit in leaving a 3 time winner in the Big Ten, but he followed John L. Smith in Arkansas. Has there ever been a better person to follow at any job ever? Not likely.

After taking the job at Arkansas, he spent considerable time talking trash to haters on Twitter which was fantastic. What other coach does that? Moreover, I’ve been impressed with Bielema imposing his will on crappy college football teams and dominating Kliff Kingsbury in front of Kingsbury’s fans and ladies. He punished the Texas Tech defense so bad that the TT defensive coordinator I guess showed up drunk to practice the next week and got canned. That’s what you call the Bielema effect!

Bielema heads back to SEC play this week where he has the potential to upset the Aggies from College Station in front of 100,000 in Cowboy Stadium. Should Bielema break the backs of Sumlin’s squad, I expect Bielema to do something really awesome after the game. Arkansas has a bye week after the A&M game, so he might just stay in Dallas and pull a 72-hour binge with Mark Cuban at the downtown W. Consider Bret Bielema the head coach of my JFI team.

Mack: You know how much I love Bielema, so I’m not going to rake you over the coals too much. For your sake, I hope that he keeps this little needle-ings and whatnot going. In fact, you’ve kind of turned my whole thinking around. What have you done to me? I initially was thinking of going with Dillon Day’s teammate, Dak Prescott. Dak’s performance in Death Valley vaulted him into legit Heisman contention. But, he is super boring off the field. I did get excited when the announcer’s kept saying how much he reminded them of Tebow. I mean, he wears 15, is coached by Dan Mullen, but he isn’t really the lightning rod for commentary that Tebow was. Maybe all in good time. I will save him for later, unless of course I’ve completely shown my hand. Of course, I could be channeling my inner Bielema and be working a long-troll.

Regardless, I digress, on to my actual pick. You’ve shifted my train of thought to the sidelines, and for my first coach selection, I am going with Lane Monte Kiffin.

Kevin: Assistant coach with your third overall pick?! I need to check the bylaws on this one. Regardless, it is a bold move my friend.

Mack: Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. Let’s examine all Lane has done in this short season. First, the amount of publicity he garnered upon being hired was unprecedented for any assistant coach. His play calling early was called into question by forgetting OJ Howard played on the offensive side of the ball. In fact, some questioned his talent so much, his bio on the Alabama page was changed calling him a, and I quote, “coaching idiot.” Most recently, my man is finding himself in legal trouble as a former USC player is suing Kiffin for allegedly forcing him to play through a concussion. Who knew we would need to go to coaches to get some decent off-the-field stuff. I haven’t even mentioned his coming out party, the offensive explosion exhibited against Florida this past week. He led the Tide to over 600 yards of offense, completely dismantling the vaunted Florida defense. Probably my favorite thing about that game though, was Kiffin walking in rocking a full suit, aviators, and jamming to some pre-game tunes. That picture alone warrants consideration.

Okay, we’ve both made our picks. They are both coaches. Shall we go through and evaluate where they land points-wise?

Kevin: I propose the following for my main man Bielema. Ability: 5 (yes you can win the Big Ten 3 years in a row with an ability score of 5). Celebrity: 5. Probably a 4, but he does flaunt around his attractive wife which bumps him up a point. Lastly, the controversy score, I’m going with a 6. You might think that’s higher than what it should be, but his steady trash talking is well documented, and it’s not just Gus Malzahn. It goes back to him complaining about Urban Meyer’s recruiting in the Big Ten. Couple the coach to coach trash talk with his on Twitter trash talk and you’ve got a 6. That lands him at 16 points overall.

Mack: Hot wife point bump conceded. What does it say about the Big 10 when a coach can win the conference three years running and enter the JFI with a ability score of 5? The ceiling for his controversy score is pretty high. I do think 6 is a point high, but just because I like his, style, as you say, I can get on board with the 6 score. Going back for a quick second, can we try and get an interview with his wife and see how that whole relationship began? Maybe Bret is a great cook. I mean, it would make sense, right?

Ok, 16 points for your boy Bret. On to Lane Kiffin. His ability score is a bit tricky here, I mean, how can a man keep getting jobs after being fired and not have ability? Then again, he’s been fired sort of a lot. I feel like a 5 here. Celebrity is a 7. Lane always finds a way to make the headlines, even when as an assistant coach, he is under a gag order. You ask any college football fan who they hate most in the coaching ranks, and Kiffin comes up more often than not. As far as controversy goes, I think my man is an 8. His is such an easy target for so much, and despite him not being able to speak to media, there he is, causing drama as per usual. I desperately hope someone can snap a picture of him taking his aviators off and we can do so many CSI: Tuscaloosa references. I might be a little too pleased with my pick here, these figures bring his JFI score to a 20.

Kevin: Wow a 20! Let’s go ahead and dial back the overreaction to the offensive fireworks against Florida and bring his ability down to a 4. After all, he’s an assistant coach! I also suggest a 7 on the controversy scale which settles him at an 18 which I think is fair. Thoughts?

Mack: Okay, okay. I guess I was a little excited there, but if things keep trending how they are with him, I think his number could go up. I never would have guessed we would have gone coaches this early in the draft, but that’s why you play the game. If everything went as it is on paper, life would be pretty boring no?

Kevin: I’m pleased with the additions of both Bielema and Kiffin to the rosters. I think this should make for some nice discussions in the weeks ahead. Until next week…

Results After Week 3